| By now, most of you are probably wondering what happened to Mike. After checking his email, it's become apparent that he has been having secret homosexual affairs with sheep balls. Unfortunately, his unread mail will go unanswered do to the fact the animal rights activists have discoverred his secret sheep ball collection and associated sheep porn and sheep lingerie. I tried to call Mike a few hours ago, only to have his parents pick up and tell me to go EAT AM BALLS! On July 14 at approximately 9:15am, Mike's favorite sheep sarah was found dead in Oxford, CT. Authorities say the cause of his death was its balls being bitten off. I know that this may seem like a strange way to kill a sheep, but Mike loved his sheep balls, those who were close to him, knew how much he talked about EATING SHEEP BALLS. We won't pass judgement on his love of EATING SHEEP BALLS, but we will later on discuss some really good condiments to adorn your sheep balls before EATING THE SHEEP BALLS. Mike had a big herd of sheep waiting for him. He was in therapy for his SHEEP BALL EATING, but it seems his love for the taste of SHEEP BALLS was overwelming. I don't think anyone knew how happy he really was about his SHEEP BALL BITING. The sheep didn't seem unhappy. Aren't there supposed to be warning signs for this sort of thing? If there were, we didn't notice them. Maybe the BALLESS sheep walking around his yard? Maybe the SHEEP BALL JUICE constantly dripping down his mouth? We will never know, maybe bubba in cell block 10 will know? Good Luck in jail Mike, you were a great SHEEP BALL BITER, a great friend, and we will miss the ball juice dripping down your face. Mike's friends and family |